Ummmm, do you have anything in blue? Or black maybe? Don't like green that much, but if you have anything in that, I would be happy also. Grey is also a very good one. Maybe you can but in a special order, and give me a mix of everything.

Help wanted!

Fledgling plot elements store seeks bright, talented individual for full or part-time position. Duties include: harassing the customers, inventory, slaying the occasional rebel pilot/princess, sweeping up and occasional locking up after a hard day of abuse. Must be willing and able to butcher plotlines and use a pun with deadly accuracy. For interview, submit resume to R'thoria Deadwood via this forum.

First two applicants get a free squishee/hired.

Back to your regularly scheduled pogrom... (the ethnic group I'm after is role-playing computer geeks...)

Blue, black or green... Let's see...

Well, for black and blue, nothing can beat "Cruising for a Bruising!" This film, from the golden era of filmmaking (1983), is bound to have you on your feet and laughing hysterically, since the theater just installed new nitrous oxide emitters! But seriously, this little gemstone in about a mismatched pair of old geezers who decide to go for a cruise and end up beating the snot out of each other over some pretty chick! What a great time!

For green, we have something titiled "DiAnne of Green Gables." It's about the tragic last night of the famed English glitterati Lady DiAnne of Green Gables, right up to the tragic moment when the speeding helicopter crashed into the ocean. Also includes a four-hour documentary on the making of the 45-minute movie.

Hmm... If you wanted to go all out, there's always "The Rainbow Perfection." Based loosely on the characters in "To Wung Fi, Tanks for Ever'thin', Julia Newmark," this story tells the young transvestites' journey home, and the journey of self-discovery they each go through. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll shout out "Fabulous!"

Yes, folks, you, too, could be a part of this loving, one-person family!

Remember, for Avedion, Acenture, and the finest selection of family-safe fireworks this side of the Rio Grande, come to R'thoria's Used Wookie Emporium!

Ahh, I'm not to sure, what to get? They all sound amazingly well used. Whats do you have in the used wookie emporium? Maybe something there can well please me.

Wookies, wookies, let's see. *Retrieves flashlight from the hook, dusts it off and opens a large bank-vault-like door before heading into the dusty darkness*

*Cough, cough*

OH, MY GOODNESS! IT'S... IT'S... oh, wait, no... you wouldn't want this one. It's an ABC wookie. That's Already Been Chewie. You didn't know that they used different wookies for each movie? Apparently the first wanted too much money. Then the second did, too. Notice, no wookies in the two latest movies. Coincidence? No! Wookies are the greediest type of actor known to man and the Five Sentient Spacefaring Species (FSSS, pronounced kinda like air leaking out of a tire). They're even greedier than Leonardo DiCraprio! But I digress.

What else do we have in the wookie vault today? Wookies come in all shapes and sizes, you know. Colors, too. We've got ones that would more than satisfy your blue, black and green preference. Not to mention the enormous volume of Wookie merchandise. Wookie Figurines, Wookie Bathtub Soap, Wookie Wigs, Gramma Wookie's Famous Wookie Cookies, Wookie Shampoo, which for some reason comes only in "Super-Jumbo Size."

(As a side note... do you remember cousin It from the Addams Family? Yep, another famous Wookie actor, in a wig. Imagine that)

Come on back, is there any type of wookie in particular that you're looking for? I could let you walk home with one of these today (they're scared of automobiles), but a custom order takes a little longer. We also offer custom fitting and retailoring, to suit your plot element needs. Think the ferocious dragon part would be better played by a wookie? Not a problem for the professional at RUWE!

(Hint, hint, RUWE/RUPE is still looking for someone to help out... Great benefits, pay is over 90nuyen/hr... bonuses for people who come up with a new way to respell the action/ADVENTure gag...)

*winds up for the customary big finish*

That's right, folks! Adion! Acvenure! Wookies by the ton! Lawsuits aplenty after LucasArts finds this site! Free wookie-nookie demonstrations after midnight! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wonder what the heck I've been smoking! Come on down to R'thoria's Used Plot Elements/R'thoria's Used Wookie Emporium!

MMMMMM..... Caffeene!

This just in! The Columbian drug... I mean, coffee lords have announced an enormous over-abundance of chocolate espresso beans! Yes, that's right, if you hurry now, YOU, TOO can be charged exorbitant prices for little, tiny balls of caffeine! Covered in chocolate, made from the cocoa plant, which can be used to make cocaine! Yes, folks, those Columbian coffee lords have it all figured out!

And just when you thought it couldn't get any better, a new plotline appears! In the story Befuddled, our young, intelligent, handsome loser makes a deal with the Devil to obtain ten wishes to be used how he sees fit! Sit in confusion as each of his wishes slowly turns into a nightmare! Believe the power of the homosexual columbian drug lord who plays basketball for the NBA while hosting *fabulous* parties at his underwater mansion in Atlantis! Realize the truth when you find out that God is a short black man! And even see the amazing fighting skills of Yoda when you sneak out of the theater and go into Star Wars!

Avecture, Adention! Small green men who move faster than you would've thought possible! And never forget the hypnotic addicting power of caffeine!

Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee!

Note: Never play with a loaded pistil. The flowers hate that.

I'll have anything you've got in John Woo.

Coming up right away, young man! One home-made plot to "Woo" you with just a dash of extra spices.

Our first selection available is a slightly damaged plot entitled, "Run, Tigger, Run!" The label says "John Pooh" but I'm sure it's just a misprint. In this fabulous and heart rending tale, a young man must overcome the obstacles thrown in his path by the heartless Mega-Corps, through his compassion, his impressive martial arts skills, and, above all, the love he has for his stuffed animal. So touching!

Next on the docket, a thriller for any age over the age of 20 and under the age of 30, Case/Off. A dedicated police officer must undergo a horrific surgery, so that he may go undercover to destroy a nefarious decker. In this exciting adventure, our hero receives a datajack and must completely rewire a master criminal's deck in... Case/Off.

Lastly, a wonderful choice, perhaps the best in the lot, is Broken Pharoah. In this neo-egyptian science-fantasy thriller, a small nuclear weapon is stolen from the National Egyptian Armory, and our hero must go and rescue it, braving large crocodiles, deadly pyramids, evil sorcerers and a final confrontation with Osiris himself as he descends into the underworld to find the precious bomb. The surprise twist as our hero finds and accidentally activates the missing Stargate! The gods themselves will be offended if you miss this one!

Advure! ACCENTion! The lord of the dead rising from the underworld seeking revenge! We've got rhythm, we've got music! We've got caffeine! Who could ask for anything more?

Hey R'thoria! Hook me up with some of that nookie!

Ladies and gentlemen, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity now stands before you. While wading through the veritable mounds of quality and only-slightly-dented elements, we found a rare gem! Not one element, no, but TWO, STUCK TOGETHER!!! *pause for effect and to catch breath after yelling* That's right, folks, a double header!

The classic murder at a dinner party, but with one little twist (okay, two, the butler didn't do it), the dinner party is also under attack by Japanese warplanes! Will the heroic hero (not hore, which is how I just spelled it!) find the murderer and manage to save the dinner party from certain doom beneath the sea? Or will the love of his life live on after seeing him freeze to death after the dinner party hits the iceburg? (Oops, I guess there's another plot stuck in here! It was so small that I didn't see it at first!)

Acture! ADVENTion! Large and hungry sea creatures! An the occasional wookie for our Star Wars fans! (R'thoria's Used Plot Elements has no relation to George Lucas or LucasFilms. Wookie used without permission. George, if you see this page, could you send me a Light Saber?!?!?)

Adrian, your nookie has been shipped, please wait 6-8888888888888 weeks for delivery. Actual nookie contents may vary. Some assembly required. No exchanges, refunds, replacements. Warranty void if nookie is struck by light. Please exercise extreme care in the handling and usage of your nookie. Never operate a nookie alone, because that's just pathetic. Nookie works best when exposed to Berry White music.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen! For the first time in over three--count them, three--days, R'thoria's Element Exchange is open for business! Get 'em while they're only slightly worn out!